Just released from the Slightly Off Archives. . .

Would it be forward of me to say that the single most frequently used word in the history of the internet must be “forward”?  Before I was hip to all the ways a forwarded, forward could be forwarded and forwarded and forwarded again and again and again, I’d see a friend’s name in the “From” line of an e-mail and eagerly click on “open” in anticipation of a quick note or a friendly howdy do.  But instead, I was greeted by a forward, forwarded 22 times.  A forward that my dear, close friend had sent to me and 200 other dear, close friends at the exact same time.  No matter how heartfelt when she hit the forward button, somehow it diminished the message.

I know in our busy lives, it’s an easier form of communication.  A ½ second sent forward is certainly more economical both time and money-wise, than a ½ hour phone call, or even a two-minute personally written e-mail.  Above all it keeps people from really replying when you ask, “How are you?”

It seems we’re becoming more and more comfortable with a false sense of connection.  It’s as if we’re saying, “I won’t make the time to talk to you, but I hope this forward makes you feel as if I did.”

Never before has correspondence between two people been almost entirely written by a third party.  And even more upsetting to a writer, most times the third party is never given a by-line!

Besides the impersonal connection, there’s more that concerns me.  With so many witty, pre-written jokes, life lessons, rules of the road, words of wisdom and profound inspirational stories at our fingertips, will we have the means or motivation come up with an original thought ever again?

From a writer’s perspective, oftentimes I feel everything that can be said or written about, has already been written – and forwarded to me!  And yet, it is the writer in me compelled to read every one of them.

Had I pushed the delete key, I would’ve missed some of these memorable mottoes, such as:
“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.” Or “Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.”
Or other clever witticisms like:
“I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.”
Or “Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.”  – Steven Seagal (This is the only quote with an attribution.)
And I can’t help but say, I enjoyed the comparison between men and fine wine.  “They both start out as grapes.  It’s our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature.  And hopefully they’ll turn out to be something we’d like to have dinner with.”
But along with great humor writing comes depressing forwards too, about little boys without any shoes or girls in tattered pink dresses, or even more startling, an insight about aging which says,
“Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down, which gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.”
And then there are the threats: “If you fail to forward this forward to six people in six days at six o’clock, you will gain sixty pounds!”
I’d like to start a campaign so that we can all get back to real writing and communication, creating intimate connections with the human beings who enrich our lives and leave those cold, cold impersonally for. . . wait a minute, I just received an hysterical forward about women, oh, you’ve got to read this one.  I’m falling off my chair!  Hold on, I’ll forward it to you.